Homebound
by jupitergrl
Summary: Frank gets orders to be sent home, but for a totally unfair reason! Now Hawkeye and Trapper must stop him!
1. Chapter 1

--------Hey! This is my new story. I got such nice feedback on my last story that I decided to write another! I hope you like it aand please review if you get a chance, cuz I'm always interested in your opinions!!!!!!! Thanks. More coming soon---------

Hawkeye looked to the Jell-O and was like this is nasty. He always hated Jell-O ever since he saw Bill Cosby doing commercials for it. But he had to eat it because it was the only thing they could eat for desert. Everyone was sitting around the tables, chatting and eating, when, suddenly, a military police officer came in to eat with them. But Frank would not have that. He suddenly had a super crazy outburst!!!  
Frank: FUCK THA POLICE!

And he got out a gun and fired it at the military police officer! Everyone was screaming and running for cover away from the shower of bullets! Then the gun ran out of bullets so he just threw it to the ground and started to run away but then tripped over the gun! The military police officer grabbed Frank and handcuffed him.

Military police officer: YOU'RE coming with me!

Frank: Fuck you muthafucka!!!

And he tore Frank out into the compound and into a jeep.

Trapper: Can you believe Frank?

Hawkeye laughed and just rolled his eyes. Frank was always acting totally crazy!

Radar said that, he would probably be charged in army courts and he would be sent home and kicked out of the army!  
Hawkeye: That would be great news, if it didn't come from your mouth, smartass!

Trapper laughed. Everyone was soooo sick of Radar acting like he was all that and acting like he is so cool and smart. Radar frowned and ate some Jell-o. Then he went and informed the colonel about the whole Frank thing that just happened.

Radar: Colonel Potter, sir, Frank was just hauled away by a military police officer!

Col. Potter: WHAT!

Radar: Yes, he had another outburst and fired at the police.

Col. Potter: I can't believe this behavior from some of our surgens. God damn.

Radar nodded. I will call the headquarters, he said.


	2. Chapter 2

In the army jail place, Frank was sitting behind bars. They were going to charge him and put him on the stand but Frank made up an excuse, saying he did it because he had lots of emotional problems. They said ok and released him back to the 4077 on the condition that he talk to Sidney Freeman. He said ok so he returned to the MASH!

Hawkeye: What are you doing back here you idiot?

Frank: Fuccck shawty, Don't you be givin me no shit.

Hawkeye: Frank, you shouldn't have been let out of jail!

Trapper: Yeah, you need to be rotting in a stinky jail cell.

Frank: I don care watchu think.

He threw down a book and walked out of the tent. Then a PA system message came on yelling for Frank to report, to the mess tent. Frank was pissed and didn't want to go, but then, colonel Potter came to him telling him that he would go back to jail if he didn't! So he went in the tent and inside was Sidney Freeman waiting for him. He was just like oh no.

Dr. Freeman: So, Major, what's up? What are you feeling?

Frank: I'm feelin just fine.

Dr: Freeman: That's not what you told the military police officers.

Frank knew that, he had to make something up so he wouldn't go back to jail!  
So he said…

Frank: Well sommin's been botherin me fo a long time now.

Freeman: What's that?

Frank: Uhhh well it just that… uhh

Freeman: What?

Frank: I don like tha police, k?

Freeman: Why not?

Frank: Cuz they gettin all up in my business. They always be makin me nervous n shit.

Feeman: Tell me more about it.

So Frank did and like he was making all of this stuff up about how he was scared and nervous and anxious all the time about the war and stuff and then Dr Feeman said something crazy!  
Freeman: Major Frank Burns I think you are showing signs of depression.

Frank: What?

Freeman: Yes, and I think, that you need to be sent home as soon as possible.

Frank was like, what?!?! He couldn't believe it.

Frank: So I ain't gonna get in any trouble??

Freeman: No, you have severe emotional problems that clouded your thinking. I understand. And I think you need a break from this war.

Frank was so shocked.

Freeman: I'm filing your papers for you so you can be sent home.

Frank: Cool.

Then Frank run to his tent he shared with Trapper and Hawkeye and told them the news. Hawkeye and Trapper were very shocked! How was Frank able to get home before them? Not to mention he lied about all of his emotional problems. They both just thought, that Frank was a total loser!

Trapper: Um Frank that is totally unfair!  
Hawkeye: Yeah, you lied.

Frank: Bitch, please. Who cares. Just cuz you jealous of me don't mean you gotta ruin my good time.

Trapper: You're scum

Hawkeye: Lying scum!

Frank: Whateva, I'mma start packing my bags, bitches!

Then Frank left and went to Margaret tent.

Hawkeye: I can't believe him! We have to stop it! That's totally unfair.

Trapper: Yeah.

Meanwhile back in Margaret's tent, Frank was breaking the news.

Frank: Baby, I'm leaving. I'm goin back home to New York.

Margaret: Oh baby! No! I love you sooooo much.

Frank: I love you too Margaret and Imma miss you lots too.

Margaret: You are so fine baby how am I gonna live, without you? At this camp?

Frank: Don worry babe, when you get back to United States, Imma visit cha.

Margaret: Frank, I can't wait that long baby. I am going with you!

Frank: How you gonna do dat?

Margaret: You'll see baby.

Then they kissed. They had such a great relationship and Frank felt kind of bad about leaving it. But Frank had to get back to his brothas. The war was so gay anyway. Besides, it was Doctor Freeman's idea to get him out of here! So he just went back to the tent. He got ready to leave. His leave date was set for tomorrow. Then it was dinnertime.

In the mess tenet, Frank was sitting at a table with the rejects (Radar, Father Mulcahy, lame nurses) when Margaret burst in screaming and yelling! She went up to the cook and screamed in his face! Then she threw all trays on the floor and threw some stew on the floor and stomped on it. Then she threw some mashed potatoes at Klinger and even the kernel! Everyone was like what?!?!

Frank: Margaret, what the hell you doin?!

Margaret: AHHHHH!

Colonel otter: What is the meaning of this mad behavior?!?!?

Maragret then knocked over a drink machine and sat down on the floor crying. Colonel Potter called over all military police officers at the camp and they came and arrested her. Everyone was super confused. Since when was Margaret so crazy? Frank was just like what? Everyone began to chatter about what just happened when:

Col Potter: Everyone quiet down! Just eat your dinner! 


	3. Chapter 3

Meanwhile Margaret got arrested and was taken to that army jail place that Frank was in the other day! And they were saying that, she was going to be charged with crimes for sure. But then she said that, she did it because she felt she couldn't take this war anymore! She felt like she was going mad and started crying right there in front of those army jail workers. They sent her back but she too had to talk to Doctor Sidney Freeman in order to be approved for duty. When Freeman came to talk to her, she told him all about how terrible she was feeling. Luckily Freeman said she could go home too! She ran to Frank. So she could tell him about the totally great news.

Margaret: Guess what baby! I'm going home too!!!

Frank: Hellllll yeah!

Margaret: this is such great news! I love you so much!

Frank: I love you too bab.

So they started getting ready to go home and they announced over the PA systems that they were leaving!

Hawkeye: That's not fair, they don't deserve to go home. They lied to get there!  
Trapper: I will report it.

So they went to Colonel Potter and told him about the whole idea.

Hawkeye: Frank and Margaret aren't really having emotional problems.

Trapper: Frank just lied so he wouldn't get in trouble, and Margaret lied because she wanted to go home with Frank.

Colonel: What?!!?

Hawkeye: Yep, it's true. We heard them talking about it. That is like completely unfair? Don't you think Colonel?

Colonel: Totally. Everyone here has some emotional problems. But Frank never showed signs before. Let's call the military police officers and Dr. Freeman. They won't get away with this!

Hawkeye: Yeah!

Colonel picked up the phone and called the police headquarters. He talked for a while, and then hung up the phone.

Colonel: They will be getting in trouble for what they done.

Trapper: Good!

Frank and Margaret were in Margaret's tent meanwhile when they heard a knock on their door!  
Frank: Who dat be?

Margaret: I don't know.

Margaret went to open up the door and there was a military poilice officer standing right there!

Margaret: Um, hello officer.

Military Police Officer: Major Hoolahan, Major Burns. I'm going to have to ask you to come with me.

Frank: What!??!

Military police officer: We know about your lying.

Frank: Oh shit.

So he handcuffed them and threw them in the back of a car and drove off! Hawkeye and Trapper were watching them leaved and laughed and them and waved goodbye.

Trapper: Hahah, we totally got them good!

Hawkeye: They won't be going home anytime soon! HAHAH.

Colonel: Good work on ratting them out. They're total losers.

Trapper: Totally.

But Frank and Margarets had some plans up their sleeve of their own.


	4. Chapter 4

In that army jail place Frank and Margaret were sitting in a cell.

Margaret: I can't believe Hawkeye and Trapper!

Frank: Muthafuckas.

Margaret: now we will never go home! We have to be stuck in this gay jail!

Frank: Shit, baby, don think bout It like dat. We gonna get outta hurr.

Margaret: But how?!?!?!

Frank: Hmmmmmmmmmm………

Then Frank got, an idea.

Frank: I know.

Margaret: What?

Frank: We gonna bust outta dis joint.

Margaret: How?!?

Frank: We gotta wait til lata. Til nite.

Margret: Whatever!!!

Then after a couple of hours it was night time and Frank was ready to reveal his plan! What he did is when the guard came and brought the prisoners dinner, Frank pulled out his knife that was hidden in his sock and stabbed the guard in the butt! The guard was screaming and bent on the ground in pain!

Frank: Lez go baby! Run fo it!  
So they broke loose and ran out of the army jail place. But another guard was behind them and was like come back here! So they jumped in a jeep and sped off immediately!

They were going like 50 miles per hour and speeding and they saw the guard coming up behind them! Frank threw back his knife and it landed straight up and slashed the guard's tires. The guard's jeep spun out and crashed. Frank kept on driving and eventually the car ran out of gas! So then Frank was just like Run for it!!!! So they did and they ran and ran all the way back to camp. Then when they got there they had to be very careful so they wouldn't be seen. But Frank had his own plan for Hawkeye and Trapper. He got a gun from the supply closet and creeped into the tent he once shared with them. Then in the dead of night he yelled: I'MMA BUST A CAP IN YO ASSES! YOU AIN'T GONNA SNITCH AND GET AWAY WIT IT!

And he fired the gun straight at them. The bullets were ripping, flying through the air. The all missed Hawkeye and Trapper though, but instead, two ricocheted off of the footlockers and hit Frank in the arm and stomach! Frank hit the ground.

Frank: Shit, shawty, I'm hit!  
Margaret came running in!

Margaret: Oh my God babe, are you okay!!??!?!

Colonel Potter came running in and was all like what's going on in here?!?! In fact, an entire crowd was gathered outside shocked and watching what was going on.

Margaret: Frank's been shot!

Hawkeye: By himself, that idiot!!!

Colonel: How did you two get out of jail? This is crazy!

Frank: Ahhhhhhh!

Col: Everyone calm down! Get Frank to the operating house!  
But Hawkeye said there was no way he would operate on Frank!

Colonel: Captain Peirce, you get in there now and operate now! That's an order!

Hawkeye: Fuck the orders. I'm getting, out of here!

Col: Curse you Pierce!

Then Frank was grabbing the gun, with the little strength and energy he had left and started firing it at all of them!!!! Everyone was all screaming and running away. A bullet amosthit Father Mulcaie and Klinger and five of the nurses! Everyone was screaming! Hawkeye threw himself in front of the gun and was shot too! They all lay dying on the ground. Trapper leaned in for one final kiss to Hawkeye and confessed his love for him.

Margaret: Oh that's beautiful!!!

Frank was like losers! Queers! But everyone's like shut up Frank!!!!

Trapper: I'll miss you hawk. I've always been scared to tell you but I love you!! I really do. You're really hot!

Hawkeye: I've always felt, the same way. You've been like an angel to me here in these days of hell war.

Trapper: I don't know how I can live with out you.

Frank: Shut tha fuck up! Can't someone help me, I'm gonna die son!

Margaret: Baby please hold on! I don't want you to die!!!!  
Frank: Baby… I… can't

Then Five O Clock Charlie came flying overhead in his jet. Col Potter knew this was bad news.

Col: Quick Father Mulcahie, say a prayer

Radar: Yes I'm scared!

Nurse: That's because you're a little baby LOSER!

Radar: Hey!

The jet got closer. No one knew what was happen. They were all stranded in suspense.

Margaret was in dying Frank's arms and Trapper was in dying Hawkeye's arm. They were all wondering what would happen. Radar was terrified and Klinger was confused and Potter was scared too and Father Mulcahie was praying.

But Five O Cock Charlie dropped all the bombs down and the camp blew up. Everyone was unfortunately killed. It was a really tragic day in the MASH history.

THE END.


End file.
